Thursday, September 11, 2008

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way To the Teachers' Lounge

A little background info. first...during the workdays at the beginning of the school year, the administration laid down a mandate about teachers drinking sodas in front of the kids. The whole district is on a wellness push, and they assume that since the kids don't see us drinking soft drinks, they won't either. It's a flawed theory, and somewhat hypocritical (they see us drinking gallons of coffee a day) but that's beside the point. So, we can drink the sodas, but they have to be in cups or something other than the original container. Who'd have thought a school would need open container laws? Anyway, usually the hassle isn't worth the effort, but today I needed a pick-me-up before afternoon classes. Keep reading for an actual email I sent to the administrators.
Is it worth it? :-)
Fostering Productivity:
1. Walk to lounge
2. Insert money
3. Open Diet Coke
4. Teach class on time, refreshed and energized
Fostering Wellness:
1. Walk to lounge
2. Realize you forgot cup for soda
3. Walk back to room
4. Return to lounge
5. Dump out funky old coke from yesterday
6. Open freezer for ice
7. Spill barely frozen water on shirt because tray had just been filled
8. Put ice cubes in cup
9. Drop straw lid on floor
10. Assume 5-second rule applies, blow germs off lid and straw
11. Insert money into machine
12. Open diet coke hastily to pour into cup
13. Clean up fizzed-over coke spill on teachers' lounge table
14. Crap britches when fire alarm goes off
15. Abandon coke, cup, spill, etc. to go rescue kids from blazing inferno (just a drill, no worries)
16. Twist ankle on the way to rescue kids
17. Rescue kids successfully
18. Stand outside while building is secured
19. Come in prematurely when high school's tone sounds to change classes.
20. Go retrieve coke, cup, etc.
21. Finally make it back to class. Jon (co-teacher) was teaching anyway, so it was okay.
22. Take necessary time to send email giving principals a hard time.

True story. Okay, so some of it is a "you had to be there" kind of thing that you won't quite get unless you work in my building, or maybe just teach. I don't see the point of the stupid rule, and this was a kind of tongue-in-cheek way of pointing out that I wasted a hell of a lot of time putting the stupid drink in the cup. The administrators all thought it was a riot, though, which was the real intention, not that I was fighting "the man's foot on my neck." ---T


Voice of Reason said...

A possible improvement to the "Pepsi Syndrome" story, would be a follow-up mishap with a mustard bottle!!!


Sarah :) said...

teehee. That was nice. :]

Tamara said...

Dear Voice---Are you ever going to let the friggin' mustard bottle incident go? It's not like I haven't done embarrassing things since then...---T

Tamara said...

Thanks, Sarah!